Emotional Intelligence: Getting Results!
I do not think about what Emotional Intelligence (EI) is or what it
consists of in my day-to-day life. Still, I regularly engage in the four
sub-categories or dimensions of EI: Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social
Awareness, and Social Skills without explicitly referring to them. I wake up in
the morning and immediately consider how I feel, physically, mentally, and
emotionally, which helps me determine what I need to do for myself in deciding
how I choose to engage my day and those I encounter. I make adjustments
throughout the day on how I desire to feel and how I would like others to
receive me.
Most of the time, I do a pretty good job of managing emotions that would
not necessarily benefit me in terms of others' reactions to these emotions. At
other times, especially with those closest to me, such as family, I express my
feelings to teach my children that all emotions are healthy to share and safe
to do so with those whom you are closest. There are accepted emotional
behaviors in my work environment, and there are behaviors not welcomed. I
discipline myself to make such adjustments to get on the same 'wavelength' and
remain resonant with my subordinates and peers. I work to relate more readily
with each other, quickly reacting to tasks that need our attention without
getting caught up with each other on a personal level.
I have been developing for quite some time now the ability to read others.
Accurately reading others takes a lot of 'people watching' time. I have spent
countless hours paying attention to people's behaviors, dispositions, and
reactions. The variety of expressions come in many forms and takes a long time
to categorize emotions correctly. Social awareness helps us connect with others
and relate to their feelings by paying attention to people's behaviors,
associating with them, and supporting them. The subtle differences in how we
choose to react between our work and personal environments dictate what values
we prioritize in said environment. I may ask another at work if everything is
okay when they express being upset and listen and support how I can
professionally. In contrast, my reaction to the same situation with a close
friend at home will receive a more personalized approach and support.
Engaging with others in a one-on-one or group setting tells a lot about
my approach and reactions to others. In a one-on-one setting, I tend to let my
guard down and become more vulnerable in hopes of connecting with the other's
authentic self genuinely. N a one-on-one setting, I feel most relaxed and apt just
to be me, while in a group setting, I tend to be a bit more on guard ever
vigilant of being perceived as something I'm not or being judged negatively for
who I am. Nonetheless, this position seems to work for me as I am typically the
type who prefers observing and learning the group's disposition and behavioral
atmosphere before engaging. This way, I can contribute myself to the subject at
hand better informed. However, I cannot yet explain why I choose to observe,
listen and assess before engaging while others dive right in!
These four domains are necessary to pay close attention to anyone
looking to improve their relationships with others. In my case, both
Self-Management and Social Skills can use more work. When I'm not in a place to
discuss certain emotions, I can wear my feelings on my sleeve, attracting other
well-meaning, concerned individuals. Understanding the right time and place to
have these discussions also requires discernment. My uncomfortableness with
engaging a group of people I don't know comes from an insecurity of being
judged negatively. I know that I care about how others see me, particularly
those with a vested social and emotional interest. In these situations, I am
very deliberate about how I behave amongst the group, working to preserve a
perception from the group that supports the relationship.
Looking at the four dimensions holistically they have only helped me
become even more aware of what I lack in relationship building. There are those
at work that are a bit more guarded and difficult to reach. There are also
those groups that have a unique personality and resonance. I need to be more
intuitive in these types of environments. Developing my Social Skills at the
group level will be paramount in my leadership roles in the future. Tending to
Self-Management and Social Awareness will undoubtedly benefit my future
relationships.
References;
Goleman, D. [Daniel Goleman].
(2012, April 23). Daniel goleman introduces emotional intelligence [Video].
YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7m9eNoB3NU
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