The High Cost of Conflict
A few months ago, I applied for the Navy Chief Warrant Officer (CWO) Program through my command, Special Operations Command, Africa. during the early stages of application, I discovered that the command did not have any program to process applications in place. With my timeline to process and submit the application getting short, and the relationship between my Officer-in-Charge (OIC) and myself having been strained due to his expectations of how I should do my job, and my experience telling me otherwise, I sought other guidance outside my chain of command. This decision ultimately brought me face to face at the 11th hour with my OIC telling me how wrong I was not to seek him out for guidance sooner.
As I explained why I chose the path I did, excluding our uneasy relationship and emphasizing why I utilized the subject matter experts within the Warrant Officer community for guidance in the absence of an actual command CWO program for the Navy, I realized my OIC and I was just not going to see eye to eye. However, in the light that my OIC out-ranked me, I chose to stop defending the reasons for my decisions, and conceded to his disposition about how wrong I was. It was apparent to me at this time that there was a good chance that all my efforts to complete my application and submit it could very well have been in vain without all the proper recommendations, to include the one from my OIC.
Looking at this scenario from Levine's (2009) eyes, his 10 Principles of Resolutionary Thinking indicates that Believing in Abundance would had provided me the the vision of seeing my OIC helping me had I trusted him to act in my best interest. Creating a Partnership with my OIC would have been key in feeling we could work out the dilemma of not having a process for submitting a CWO application at our command. Had I been in the mental disposition of being Creative, I would have been looking for ways to include my OIC in the problem solving process rather than employing the constraints of resolution between us.
Attempting to Foster a Sustainable resolution with my OIC would have open the door for receptive feedback, offering a coalition of efforts, rather than going it alone without the potential weight of an experienced, well-networked 05 pay grade by my side. In turn, this approach would have kept the relationship from hitting a critical emotional threshold that left us with an even more uncomfortable relationship than previously experienced. Becoming Open in the process of conflict resolution was in fact a disposition I was attaining while my OIC was sharing with me how wrong I was to have made the decisions I did. If I was not humble, or genuinely vulnerable, it would have been detected, and our discussion would have gone worse than it had (Levine, 2009).
The relationship between my OIC and I had been strained for the previous five months. Typically, we keep to our own space and counsel with minimal to say to each other. When you do talk, it is often on professional terms with even perhaps injects of humor now and then. However, Forming a Long-Term Collaboration with my OIC would have been the perfect state of mind to keep from focusing on having to avoid a challenge, or surviving one. I feel if I focused more on cultivating a relationship that allowed for a collaborative effort with my issues, I would have been apt to avoid his person. While I always pay attention to my OIC's emotional disposition, which is typically difficult to read since he often keeps to himself or overlaps humor in most conversations he has with my peers throughout the day, it has been challenging to Rely on Feelings and Intuition. Although it may be challenging at times, approaching relationship with the intention of considering others feeling, and listening to your own intuition can aid in understanding where the other party may be coming from, as well as possibly discovering their true intentions during conflict resolution (Levine, 2009).
In our relationships at work, it is rare for anyone to disclose all information for the sake of getting to know everyone and what they bring to the table. During the course of a conflict, in my experience, people tend to share new information in attempt to be right, win an argument or debate, or to persuade others to join them in their ploy. In the case of Disclosing Information and Feelings between my OIC and myself, it would have done us some real good prior to the conflict as well as during in the way of helping one another understand each other (Levine, 2009).
Learning through the Process never took hold during our conflict except the awareness of what I should have done, and how upset my OIC was that I did not include him earlier in the process. Had my OIC been open to learning how wrong I already knew I was, he may have focused on helping me through the remaining process instead of getting frustrated and giving me a non-favorable recommendation with my application. Becoming ResponseAble is our responsibility as leaders in resolving our own internal conflict on the path of getting know and understand ourselves in the process of resolution. We must take responsibility of our own emotional conflict inside us, as well as the decisions that can lead us through creative, considerate, and collaborative resolutions (Levine, 2009).
I cannot say it would have reduced the cost of conflict between my OIC and myself, as the results ended with his recommendation not in favor of supporting my application, and nothing else. Never having been in such a potential position with this OIC before, it is difficult to say what his reaction may have been otherwise. However, this process would have definitely reduced the internal conflict that I had with myself just by knowing I had extended myself to him fairly, honestly, and openly. Knowing that the other parties will see how far I am willing to partake in the resolution process, may very well in turn provide them the non-threatened opportunity to meet me halfway in the process, creating that initial, yet vital vision of the hope for a resolution from both parties.
I cannot say it would have reduced the cost of conflict between my OIC and myself, as the results ended with his recommendation not in favor of supporting my application, and nothing else. Never having been in such a potential position with this OIC before, it is difficult to say what his reaction may have been otherwise. However, this process would have definitely reduced the internal conflict that I had with myself just by knowing I had extended myself to him fairly, honestly, and openly. Knowing that the other parties will see how far I am willing to partake in the resolution process, may very well in turn provide them the non-threatened opportunity to meet me halfway in the process, creating that initial, yet vital vision of the hope for a resolution from both parties.
References:
Levine, S. (2009). Getting to resolution: Turning conflict into collaboration (2nd Ed.). San Francisco: Barrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc.
Levine, S. (n.d.). Resolution works. Retrieved from http://resolutionworks.com/writings/resolutionary-view-10-principles-for-developing-the-attitude-of-resolution/
Stahl, R., Levine, S. (2011). Executive s&op and the cycle of resolution: Resolving conflict to align human energy. Foresight, 20-26. Retrieved from http://www.tfwallace.com/files/docs/Executive_SOP_and_Cycle_of_Resolution.pdf
No comments:
Post a Comment